How come you can only hunt eight months of the year?

By Bob Zettler

April 13, 2015

Why is turkey season so close to the end of the Conservation Order for Light Geese Season?  I mean, I started chasing Canada geese and Dove on September 1 last year.  Then came the Early Season for Teal.  Then, thankfully, we had a short break until the regular waterfowl season started in Illinois – I no longer chase tree rats.  And while I didn't get to go on the Northern Zone opener as I have for a number of years, I was able to open in the Central Zone and then head out to North Dakota for a few days starting on Halloween.

Then it was a whirlwind of waterfowl interspersed with deer (with Bronchitis a few times) until January 31 of this year.  And while I wanted to open here in Illinois right away, I was able to head down to Arkansas for three days before over-nighting it back home to a hot field I got permission for just so I and my crew could get out.  This was followed by combining forces with another friend’s crew in what we thought and hoped would be a massacre of Snow geese but turned out to be a bust – through no fault of anyone as we really saw thousands and had one Hell of a spread. 

And then came March.  Ah, March, where we established a home base and hunted nearly every day from March 8-28 and harvested nearly 200 birds!  Mercifully, I got a break for two weekends and began the process of returning my home and Jeep to a more normal environment.  Yet, I had great plans to be ready for Turkey Season by last Friday.  You know, get my gear together, shotguns cleaned, clothes set aside and all the rest.  I mean I even had lists of what I needed done and was sure it was achievable…

So I don’t get anything done Saturday and then sleep in an extra two hours yesterday against my better judgment – I knew I had to be in bed no later than 9:30–10 PM that night – and I still hadn’t gotten much done except putting a GTH bag together with my camo the week before.  First things first and I decide to clean my Beretta Xtrema 2 and its backup gun, the Remington VersaMax.  Good God!  That Beretta was filthy!!  Snow geese can take a toll…

Well, that took me nearly three hours just to clean the two, all the while I was using my Bradley Smoker on a Pork Roast and some chicken parts, and it’s now 6 PM.  My, how time flies!  But I know my turkey gear is in two containers upstairs and that’s where it really starts to unravel – I can only find the one container!  And as I go through it and pull last year’s Morels out my turkey vests pockets, I realize I only have 4 Turkey loads, no mouth-calls, cant find my turkey choke tubes, no gloves and where the Hell is my sling for the Beretta!  I mean that sling, along with two others have been sitting by my couch and the front door for weeks and now, of all times, they ALL disappear?

And, it’s now nearly 9 PM and I am beat and the smoke from the smoker is killing me while making the whole house smell like the Bradley Smoker.  Got to make a decision(s):

·         Will four shotshells (hopefully LEAD turkey loads) be enough?

·         Do I really need camo gloves?

·         Can I find my sling in the Jeep?

·         Where are my camo shirts?

·         Can I do it with no mouthcalls?  In other words, since I haven’t practiced since last spring, will the few unbroken friction calls in my turkey vest be sufficient?

·         Etc…

It’s well after 9 PM and I am beat and not feeling well, so I head to bed but there is a movie on Cable that I've seen a couple of times and still I get caught up in it till almost 10:30 before turning it off.  Then comes the tossing and turning.  Whether from the smoked meats I just finished or my routine sleeplessness, I can’t say, but I bet I didn't sleep but a couple of hours and basically am up by 3:00 AM.  Get on-line for a bit, put clothes into the dryer, play Yahtzee, shower (I was rank) and then realize I hadn't even thought about lace-up hunting boots until now!  I usually wear my Muck Boots most of the time but not for Turkey Season.  Find a pair and then realize the one boot’s shoelace was broken and said the Hell with it too and just short-tied that one.  Que Sera. Que Sera.

It’s now after 4:30 AM and I have at least an hour drive to where I hunt, but as I hadn't thought about food last night, decide to chance McDonald's for a Breakfast McMuffin only to discover the Chatham McDonald's continues to be the worst morning operation I have ever, ever dealt with.  Am told it will be maybe five minutes and here I am the only person in line.  Tell them to forget my order and head on down the road.  Start thinking – a dangerous past-time so early in the morning for me – and decide to get something at the Casey’s in Pleasant Plaines.  Wow, they have breakfast Pizza; hot and ready AND the oversize piece is still there!  Saints be praised as I am the only customer in the place at 5 AM but then I get to the counter…

There are two clerks, one is in the “office” writing on something and the other has decided to count every freaking last thing in her cash drawer just as I get to the counter!  WTH!!! So here I stand, watching her count, and count, and count again for FIVE minutes before she finishes and uses the OTHER REGISTER to check me out!  WTH!!!

I can still be at the farm before shooting time, even though I had wanted to be there 45 minutes earlier, but the missing gear I couldn't find last night was really working me over, so I decide to hit the Wal-Mart in Beardstown to see about some gloves, Turkey loads and maybe a mouthcall or two.  Thankfully, it was an in and out in maybe 5 minutes but I did get tickled by the cashier asking me if I needed to show my FOID for the Winchester XX 3.5” #5 shotshells or not…

Then I get to the bridge over the Illinois River. WTH it’s under construction!!!  There goes another 8 minutes as the light changed just as I got there.  Finally, I cross the bridge and make it to my parking spot at the farm but right after legal shooting time.  Thankfully, there are no other hunters and I am once again on my own – a BIG thank you to the landowner!  All I had to do is get my vest on, uncase my shotgun and clip my Contour Roam 2 video camera on it but not before stripping down for I realize I do not need my thermal UnderArmour as it’s 64 degrees already.  And more importantly, I am already hearing Gobblers sound off across the road where I hunt and there are at least 4 or 5 close by with more at the other end of the farm.  Life is (NOW) good!

However, as I had thrown out my right knee on the first day of hunting Snow geese in March, a long hike will not be fun and most of the birds were sounding off way at the other end.  At least there were four in the top third of the farm but I also have to cross an open field and it’s pushing sunrise soon.  Thankfully, it was overcast and I was able to cross to the edge of the woods and the birds were still sounding off just a couple of hundred yards or less away.  However, as I brought decoys (spit) and wasn't sure if the Gobblers were about to enter the field or were going to hold in the woods, I decided to set up on this finger of trees that sticks out into the field and place the decoys out in the open in front of me.

Get the Jake and Hen set and find a nice tree to sit up against quickly as they were closer than I thought.  Place the over video camera, a Sony Action Cam, on my head and hit the record button only to have it shut off a few seconds later.  Try again and same result.  Take it out of the case and discover the battery had run out.  WTH!  I guess it will be left up to the gun video if I even get the opportunity…

Then, I break out the box call and get an instant response times three!  Wait awhile and same thing happens.  Now I am worried that the decoys are too close in front of me as if the birds come, I won’t be able to use the box call and the new mouth call (which resided within my mouth) was untested.  Back and forth I go about getting up and possibly getting busted or just sit where I am and hope they focus on the decoys and pay no attention to the lump pointing a shotgun at them up against a tree…

Too late and two of them pop out into the field more than hundred yards away and about 10 feet into the field and go crazy gobbling at me!  Video is on and they don’t leave their spot!  I mean they gobbled several times a minute, strutted somewhat and kept looking in my direction but nada.  Zip.  They simply would not get any closer and eventually went back into the woods.  Once I knew they were staying down there and maybe a little further down, I decided to abandon the decoys and get closer.  Made it half way there and the woods were pretty thick so I sat on the field edge.  Nothing near as they responded but simply wouldn't come closer. And by 7:30 AM, they all went quiet but not before sounding off deeper into the woods and back towards a pond where I had heard their other buddies earlier.

What to do, what to do?  I really did not want to go really deep into the woods and I had finally heard a hen with them; and if they were with hens, it would be difficult to pull them away.  My knee truly was hurting and I would hate to have it go out back to where I thought they were headed.  Ah, screw it and I decided to head back towards the pond as it offered a great area where several tracts of woods, fields, and the like converged in what historically has produced a lot of turkeys over the years.  Well, I get back there and the winds pick up.  Whoa, what’s that?  Is it a leucistic turkey? A coyote?  Nope, just a damn opossum.  God, I hate opossums’ but I let it pass unharmed.

Then, I hear a gobble around 9:20 but cannot tell which direction.  There’s another one!  But again, what direction?  Now am I hearing something I want to hear or am I hearing birds sound off back towards where I had last heard them AND farther away toward the far end of the farm?  Can’t say but I have walked as far downhill and away from my Jeep than I had planned on and decide to head back towards the area I had last heard them as maybe the hens have moved on…

God, I hate walking back and forth over the same ground but as I get to the corner of where I had last heard them, they sounded off just across the ravine I swore I would not cross!  However, this time, the woods are more open and have a more gradual slope to the bottom on my side which provides me with shooting lanes to the right, left, behind me up towards the field I had started with, and more importantly, to the other side of the ravine IF they could be enticed to the edge AND down the hillside to my effective range.

What is your effective range?  I like mine close, real close.  I have shot most of my birds at less than 20 yards as I want them D E A D!  I have gone to 30-35 yards but prefer letting them close the distance till it’s almost a given that I will crush them with my shot when I take it.  And, here the distance across the ravine from where I sat to the top (I was sitting lower than the crest of the ravine) was more than 50 yards but if I can get them to travel downhill, I can close the distance to right around 30 yards or less – if I get lucky.

Break out the box call they responded to that morning and they responded once again, and responded and responded.  Then I see a red head moving through the brush right at the top of the ravine.  A few minutes later another but hanging back some.  Video was already on and pretty soon the safety as I truly thought he was going to throw caution to the wind and actually walk DOWNHILL in response to my call!  Then the SOB went to the right as if to say, “I've been to this rodeo already once this morning where you get me all worked up but go silent when I get close.”  Muttering under my breath, I decide to chance using the mouthcall even though I sounded like doo-doo on it.

Both heads go up and the one starts back in my direction eventually.  Then the other one who had been hanging back and had the gobble of - I don’t know what but it wasn't as impressive as the other one – starts in my direction and now I could compare the two.  Both had similar beards but this one was a lot bigger in my opinion and while both were actually WALKING downhill, I made the decision to take the first one which presented a good shot IN THE OPEN which neither had…until now but just then my Cell began to loudly vibrate!  Good God, please do not let the birds hear it.  Thankfully it was just a message notification but it sure got to me for I could not move with both birds looking in my general direction around 50 yards away.

Damn it!  He is walking downhill (I already said that) and I realize I am going to be shooting DOWNWARD at him and that presents a dilemma since it won’t expose his head and neck like I usually prefer and I still am not quite sure if I should take the other one who is also coming fast, for at least he has his head held high, not like the Big Boy who has been in stealth mode most of this morning.  And I sure do not want either of them to get down into the ravine as they could then come out anywhere and not present me with a shot without re-positioning my gun.

I had basically already decided to take the stealth bird and when he had his head and neck out and up to the side, the trigger was pulled and two-ounces of number-five Winchester XX lead shot flew at him at 1300 FPS a mere 25 yards away, albeit at a downward angle.  He folded like an accordion but not before flip-flopping all over the place down the ravine.  I sat there a moment or two taking in the accomplishment as last year was the first in maybe 20 that I had not killed a turkey and here I had scored and it was opening day to boot!  His brother flew off back to my side of the ravine (Yeah), and after I divested myself of my vest, I carefully made my way down the ravine and over to the spot I sent my payload too only to not see him!  And this was the first time I had ever gone after a bird without my shotgun. 

Luckily, after a couple of minutes I spied him nestled in a downfall almost 20 yards away!  I knew he was dead when I shot so I had relaxed afterwards but it did give me a charge to find him.  And by God he was a big one!  Maybe the heaviest bird I have taken outside of the one I shot in Missouri a number of years ago.  Took several pictures, tagged him and then made my way back to my gear after taking a couple of breaks along the way – did I mention he was a HEAVY bird?  Got him stuffed into the vest eventually and headed back to my Jeep.  Grabbed the decoys on the way back and was back on the road home shortly after 11 AM.

Still got permits but this was a challenge I had met, dealt with and accomplished but not before a lot of anguish over the past eight months, treading water and time, with some improvisation along the way.  And, maybe some luck?

POSTSCRIPT.  In the original video, which lasted just under 16 minutes, the one bird I did not shoot gobbled at least 34 times and the one I shot maybe a couple.  The video above is just the last six minutes. Here are the stats:

• 23 pounds
• 9” beard
• 1.3” & 1.25” spurs